Homecoming and Reintegration

By Kristin Donahue

A San Diego homecoming experience through the eyes of a Resiliency Trainer

Attending a military homecoming event is both an honor and a privilege.  Being part of such a memorable day is truly an unparalleled experience.  Upon arrival at the pier you are greeted with a burst of commotion.  There are crowds of people, brightly decorated welcome home signs, and a sizable supply of coffee and doughnuts.  You can feel the energy.  Kids are running around with miniature flags and families are gathered around their homemade banners and sparkly signs.  Nearly everyone in attendance is dressed in spirited red, white, and blue clothing.  Shamu and Arthur C. Turtle (local costumed characters from SeaWorld) stop to take pictures with children of all ages.  

As soon as the ship comes into sight—the crowd packs in tightly near the pier and the Navy band begins to play a variety of patriotic songs.  The energy and excitement continue to build as the ship slowly makes its way to the dock.  After patiently waiting (for what feels like an eternity) … the ship’s horn sounds—letting everyone know that the sailors have arrived home safely.  The crowd goes crazy and the artfully crafted banners start feverishly waving while family members begin to shout the names of their loved ones.   First to disembark are the new parents.  Being able to witness a sailor meeting his newborn for the very first time is truly a heartwarming experience for everyone involved.

As the morning festivities draw to a close—you find yourself overwhelmed with feelings of warmth, gratitude, and appreciation for our service members and their beloved families. 

In my work as a FOCUS resiliency trainer I have learned that the story doesn’t end at the homecoming however. I often talk to families who are trying to navigate the often tricky process of reintegration.  It is often a period of readjustment for the entire family.  Routines that may have worked before with your family may no longer work.  Families as well as returning parents change during separations.  Everyone has grown physically, emotionally, and socially. Children may be unsure about what to expect.  This time of transition can be especially tricky during the holidays—when families are busy and have a lot of events and activities that they want to jump back into.

All kids will react differently to the change in routine caused by reunions.  Young children may become shyer, clingy/fussy, or become more easily upset.  They might worry about their parent leaving again. Older children may have mixed feelings about your return (happy you are back but still upset you left), and may be concerned about new rules and responsibilities.

Some helpful hints for parents to help kids through the reintegration phase:

• Take time: You don’t have to find that “new normal” immediately, take some time to just enjoy having everyone together as you figure out new workable roles and routines
• Be flexible: Remember that everything changes with time, acknowledge that and brainstorm with your spouse about ways to adjust your routine to accommodate those changes
• Have patience: Each member of the family will readjust in their own time.
• Create opportunities: Spend time as a family reconnecting. Give yourself a special project or activity to enjoy like creating a holiday ornament, reading a special seasonal book, or baking a special holiday treat.